Lyrics:

Want to have some party time with my son
So I brought him down to the fishin' hole
Didn't like the feeling of the worm in his hand
Got mad threw down his fishin' pole
Said that's alright son let's go and get an ice cream
Let your old man buy you a treat
But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall
Started cryin' and ran into the street

He's an asshole
My kid's an asshole
I swear he just don't float my boat
Always cryin'
Always cryin'
Make me wanna punch him in his little throat

I called my lady up to tell her what had happened
How our son had run away
She said don't worry baby I will talk to him
And everything will be okay

My lady's an asshole
She's an asshole
Her assholeishness is off the charts
Always pefect
Always perfect
Make me wanna punch her in her lady parts

I decided I'd go down to the bar
And drown my sorrows in a beer
But the sign outside said "Closed for renovations
Will open up again next year"

That bar is an asshole
It's an asshole
Oh the worst bar in the land
Always closin'
Always closin'
Can't punch a bar cause you'll hurt your hand

I went home to forget about my troubles
Sat down in my favorite easy chair
But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feeling
As hemorrhoid began to flare

My asshole's an asshole
A real butthole
Needs to put his asshole self in check
Always burnin'
Always itchin'
Make me wanna punch him in his asshole neck

Late one night lying awake in bed
Mmm a realization came
Are there really assholes everywhere I look
Or am I the one to blame
Maybe I just do not say the things I should say
And I don't do the things I ought
So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror
And this is what I thought

The guy that sold me this mirror's an asshole
He's an asshole
Son of a bitch said it was antique
He was lyin'
He was lyin'
Make me wanna punch him in his sale's man cheek
I'm on a real asshole streak
I could open up an asshole boutique
I think this song has reached it's peak
Goodbye assholes see you next week