Lyrics:

I once had a pig that loved me**lf**And lived in a shed in the country**lf**In a middle class district of Dumfries,**lf**But a sad kind of pig was he.**lf****lf**Pigs can''t swim and Pigs can''t fly,**lf**But pigs can see the wind go by.**lf**Pigs make lovely household friends**lf**When winter comes and summer ends.**lf**Early in the morning**lf**So early in the morning**lf**So early in the morning**lf**Before the break of day.**lf****lf**Each week that lofty beastie**lf**Would beg with eyes so misty**lf**To take him over to England,**lf**His life dreams to fulfil.**lf****lf**He''d plunge into the channel;**lf**Swim to France would be his gamble.**lf**Florence Chadwick couldn''t hold a candle**lf**To such a daring Pig as he!**lf****lf**''Are you tired of me?'' I asked him;**lf**''Will our friendship not be lastin''?''**lf**But he told me I was graspin''**lf**And he needed to be free**lf****lf**''So will you take me there tomorrow?''**lf**''In a pig''s eye,'' I said with sorrow.**lf**So he drowned himself in the bathtub (naughty boy!)**lf**And I had pork chops for my tea.