Lyrics:

Take one ageing backroom clerk
Take one spinster knitting tweed
When you place them both together
There are more than two mouths to feed

Spin this creaking dockyard crane
Turn that whining turbine drill
When imposing new restrictions
There are more than two mouths to fill

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer
Marigold conjunction
Spindled forceps, mating doorsteps
Where is all this cold compunction?

In the nearness of the night when the phantom opera sings
He'll be searching his discomfort at the tidings providence brings
In the looseness of the thread when the vestment gains its width
He'll be brandishing his tuba at the stomp of Mulligan's myths

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer
Marigold conjunction
Highland garters, droning martyrs
Where is all this cold compunction?

Search through his chain mail coat
There's no-one to report
Stand by his lace-up shield
There's seldom cause to joust, the contest endeth

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer
Marigold conjunction
Fresian dairy, quite contrary
Where is all this cold compunction?

Glass-eyed with shaking hand
The famous pinch of snuff
Tongue-tied with trembling legs
There's seldom need to walk, the pathway endeth

Mercy be the time has flown!
Tell the Verger he must wake
Gather all the spangled fragments
All the cinnamon he would take
Throw nostalgia to the wind
It will compensate your loss
He delivers this contraption from all it's turpentine dross

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer
Marigold conjunction
Mottled fawnings, mildewed awnings
Where is all this cold compunction?

Maybe lemon tweezer, Ebeneezer
Celluloid consumption
Rearguard syndrome, toothless earcombe
What is all this bleeding unction?