Lyrics:

And if one day I should become A singer with a Spanish bum Who sings for women of great virtue I'd sing to them with a guitar I'd borrow from a coffee bar - Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you My name would be Antonio And all my bridges I would burn And when I sang a song they'd know I'd expect something in return... I'd have to get drunk every night And talk about virility With some old grandmother who might Be decked out like a Christmas tree And no pink elephants I would see Though I'd be drunk as I can be Still I would sing my song to me About the time they called me Jackie If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour Cute - in a stupid-assed way And if I joined the social world Became procurer of young girls And I would have my own bordello My records would be number one And I'd sell records by the tonne All sang by many other fellows My name would then be Handsome Jack And I'd sell boats of opium Whisky that came from Twickenham Offering queers and phoney virgins If I had banks on every finger A finger in every country And all the countries ruled by me I'd still know exactly where I'd want to be... Holed up inside my opium den Surrounded by some chinamen I'd sing a song that I sang then About the time they called me Jackie If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour Cute - in a stupid-assed way Now tell me wouldn't it be nice That if one day in paradise I'd sing for all the ladies up there And they would