Lyrics:

It was Christmas day in North Acton
And the turkey promised a treat
But unfortunately stayed in his wrapping
In the butchers just over the street
My cooker, you see, was too tiny
To taste such traditional fare
And I'm not really a bit eater
And there was nobody present to share

It was Christmas day in North Africa
But Nigeria had forgotten the date
Sanctioned myrrh from all mankind
They delivered the presents of hate
They delivered the presents of hate

It was the day after Christmas Khe Sanh
And relatives out in the crowd
Shared a final family reunion
Boxing the dead in white shrouds
Boxing the dead in white shrouds

So I settled for steak pie and onions
Supplemented with Shreddies and beer
Not the gourmets delight, I admit it
But what did they eat over there?

'Merry Christmas'
'Pass the Shreddies... any beer left?'
'This steaks really good.'
'Any skins down down there?'
'Any more steak pie'
'This almost takes like turkey this does'