Lyrics:

Tom Brown and I in the local pub
Were playing dominos one night
When all of a sudden in the postman rushed
His face all chalky white
'Hey what's up?', said Brown, 'Have you seen a ghost?
Have you seen your Aunty Mariah?'
'Well, me Aunt Mariah be blown', said he
'The bloody pub's on fire!'
Oh, there was Brown upside down
He was moppin' up the whisky on the floor
'Booze, booze!' the firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Don't let them 'in til it's all mopped up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! (MACINTYRE!)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire
'On fire!' says Brown, 'What a bit of luck
Everybody follow me
Down in the cellar
Where the fire isn't there
We will have a gay old spree.'
So we all went down with good old Brown
The beer we could not miss
And we hadn't been but ten minutes there
'til we were bloody pissed
Oh, there was Brown upside down
He was moppin' up the whisky on the floor
'Booze, booze!' the firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Don't let them 'in til it's all mopped up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! (MACINTYRE!)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire
Oh Jones did rush, to the port wine tub
And gave it just a few hard knocks
Started takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks
'Hey, what's up?, ' said Brown, 'If you want to wash your feet
There's a tub of booze down here
Don't wash your trousers in the port wine tub
When we theres lots of Carling lager beer.'
Oh, there was Brown upside down
He was moppin' up the whisky on the floor
'Booze, booze!' the firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Don't let them in 'til it's all mopped up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! (MACINTYRE!)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire
All of a sudden there's a bloody big bang
And half the flamin' roof gave away
And we were drowned in the firemen's hose
But were all still going gay
So we got some tacks and some old tin scraps
And boarded ourselves inside
And we kept on drinking good old Scotch
'til we were bleary-eyed
Oh, there was Brown upside down
He was moppin' up the whisky on the floor
'Booze, booze!' the firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Don't let them 'in til it's all mopped up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! (MACINTYRE!)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire