Lyrics:

When I was growing bigger, some plus fours I had made
I knew they'd suit my figure for the figure that I paid
When I bought them I was skinned, as I walked home the folks all grinned
For the three-bob sale price ticket was pinned on my plus fours

I nursed a baby once for fun, gave him some milk and when he'd done
The colour all began to run on my plus fours
I've had them pressed I've had them turned but no one can tell
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well

The first night after I was wed, my bride such nasty things she said
'Cause I was shy and went to bed in my plus fours
A spout I climbed my girl to see, I jumped but a rusty nail caught me
And hanging from her balcony were my plus fours

I rode a moke on Hampstead Heath, I was less on top than underneath
I rode three miles with a donkey's teeth in my plus fours
I've had them pressed I've had them turned but no one can tell
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well

Once in a hospital oh lord, they X-rayed me and what is more
They were surprised at what they saw in my plus fours
On a chair I sat with a girl so sweet, the paint was wet then down the street
I ran like hell without a seat in my plus fours

My landlady has got good sense, to start the week well she'll commence
Each Monday she gets eighteen pence on my plus fours
I've had them turned I've had them pressed but no one can tell
The front side is the backside and they're inside out as well

In a field I slept just near some calves, a farmer woke me through his laughs
With a milkmaid he was playing draughts on my plus fours