Lyrics:

All righty then. Picture this if you will.
10 to 2am and actually eating a, you know a box of Krispy Kremes,
At my need-to-know post just outside area 51
Contemplating the whole chosen people thing
Chen a flaming sealth banana split the sky like wide open
I never expected to see it in a place like this
I do believe I spilled a diet soda or something right on my Birkenstocks.
Then he yelled at me
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy fucking shit
Fucking shit
Holy fucking shit
Holy fucking shit
Holy fucking shit...fucking shit...fucking shit

Then the X-Files being
Who was like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
With Isabella Rossellini lips with breath that reeked,
Did a wicked jump there also while making the sound a-banana-da-banana
That's when I opened up my bug-eyes
My gaping jaw
And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
And all I could think was,
I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
That I pissed my fucking pants.

So alive in this way
Like an apparition,
He had me crying out,
Fuck me!
It's gotta be
Dead head chemistry!
The bottom got on top of me
Got me seeing E motherfucking T!

And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose,
He said you are the chosen one.
The one who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
And a warning for those who do not.
Me, the chosen one
They chose me
And I didn't graduate from fucking high school!

You better
You better
You better
You beter listen

He looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down,
This is so real
Like the time they floated away
See my heart is pounding
'Cause this shit never happens to me!

Can't breathe right now

It was so real
Like I woke up in Wonderland
Also a bit terrifying
I don't wanna be alone
When I tell this story
And can anyone tell me why
It was a repeat experience?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real
Finally it's my lucky day
See my heart is racing
Cause this shit never happens to me

Can't breathe right now

You believe me don't you
Please believe what I just said
See they're telling children
And this wasn't all in my head.
See they took me by the hand
And invited me right in
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive am I dead
Can't remember what they said
God damn shit the bed
High eye (repeated)

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and read to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen
Shit the bed again
Typical

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive am I dead?
Sunkist and sudafed
Gyroscopes and infra red
Won't help
Brain dead
Can't remember what they said
God damn shit the bed
IIIIIII can't remember what they said to me
Can't remember what they said to me
To make out to be a hero
Can't remember what they said

Don't know, won't know (repeated)
God damn shit the bed!