Lyrics:

[Spoken:]
One very exciting area of folk idiom and folk music to us has always
Been the hatchet murders in Massachusetts.
And I think that this quaint bit of suburban living can best be
Explained through the use of our poet laureate, Joe Frazier:

Elizabeth Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks
And when the job was nicely done
She gave her father forty one

Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died
And he got his daughter Lizzie on a charge of homicide
Some folks say she didn't do it, and others say of course she did
But they all agree Miss Lizzie B. was a problem kind of kid

'Cause you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Not even if it's planned as a surprise
No you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize

She got him on the sofa where he'd gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to heaven 'cause he wasn't wearing shoes
Lizzie kind of rearranged him with a hatchet so they say
And then she got her mother in that same old fashioned way

But you can't can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
Not even if you're tired of her cuisine
No, you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
You know it's almost sure to 'cause a scene

Well, they really kept her hoppin' on that busy afternoon
With both down and upstairs chopping while she hummed a rag-time tune
They really made her hustle and when all was said and done
She'd removed her mother's bustle when she wasn't wearing one

Oh you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice
No you can't chop your momma up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn't very nice

Now it wasn't done for pleasure and it wasn't done for spite
And it wasn't done because the lady wasn't very bright
She'd always done the slightest thing that mom or pop had bid
They said, 'Lizzie cut it out!' so that's exactly what she did

But you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk
No, you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York

No you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Shut the door and lock and latch it
Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet

You can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Such a snob I heard it said
She met her pa and cut him dead

You can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise
All join in in a habeas corpus

No, you can't chop your poppa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York