Lyrics:

[Spoken Intro:]
The time is the present, 1963, and imagine, if you will, a scene
In West Germany where my friends and I are having a little party.
It's quite a private party, we're celebrating the coming holiday
Season, Christmas, and the new year.

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A partridge in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Four top Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love said to me
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the sixth day of Christmas
We received from Israel
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the seventh day of Christmas
The US sent us free
Seven more million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A Telefunken H-Bomb
A Telefunken H-Bomb? Ja, a Telefunken H-Bomb.
Let me show you this Telefunken H-Bomb.
It looks just like an ordinary Telefunken Radio.
Except when you're trying to get England,
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ENGLAND!
Seven million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the ninth day of Christmas
We heard officially
They got the wrong Eichmann
Telefunken H-Bomb
Seven million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the tenth day of Christmas
Long Island sent us free
Ten swastika scribblers
Got the wrong Eichmann
Telefunken H-Bomb
Seven million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas
We heard officially:
'Monocles are back!'
Ten swastika scribblers
Got the wrong Eichmann
Telefunken H-Bomb
Seven million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas
They told all Germany:
'HE is still alive.'
Monocles are back
Ten swastika scribblers
Telefunken H-Bomb
Seven million dollars
Six guided missiles
To Hell with Adenauer
Four Gestapo leaders
Three anti-semites
Rudolf Hess's blessings
And a partridge in a pear - Merry Christmas, everybody - tree